If you try the Artful Science of True Love’s 21 Day True Love Challenge you may be astonished at the results. It will only take a few minutes each day but mutual commitment to the exercise is a must. Be sure to review the first two steps under the path of true love and ensure that you both meet that criteria or the challenge will not work. You should follow the order of the days prescribed below, however you do not have to adhere to a consecutive day schedule.
The challenge is most useful for couples who are in the early stages of their love relationship or couples who have identified their relationship as adequate. If you believe that you are in a harmful love relationship please seek professional counseling immediately as self-help is not enough. The challenge is also a great tune-up for couples already in a true love relationship. Your chances of achieving true love at the end of the exercise will be greatly increased by reading the Artful Science of True Love before you enter the challenge.
Days 1-7 Physical review and rekindling the spark. This phase of the challenge is about mutually exciting your instincts and migrating to balance along the physical connecting lines of true love. Keep negativity at bay during this phase, no arguing, no judging, only patience. If you honestly try and don’t cheat you should get the positive feel good brain chemicals of infatuation flowing again.
Day 1 – Review why you are physically attracted to each other. Together discuss the unique sites, sounds and scents of your lover. Remember why she or he is the most beautiful or handsome person in the world, tell them. Please no sex today, I promise that the anticipation of that connection is worth the wait.
Day 2 – Get naked together for a minute. Try not to judge yourself just take a long look at each other naked. Discuss what turns you on about your partner’s body, as well as, anything that you would like to change about your own body, be honest. Please no sex today, I promise that the anticipation of that connection is worth the wait.
Day 3 – In your best voice read the following text to your partner. If your are the listening partner close your eyes. Discuss what you liked about it. Now hug each other. Please no sex today, I promise that the anticipation of that connection is worth the wait.
Guys read: Our first kiss stopped time. She is not only the most beautiful woman in the world but also the most beautiful to have ever lived. I caught a glimpse of her face in the candlelight and understood where the concept of angels comes from. I think about her every thirty seconds and cannot wait to hold her in my arms. She makes me feel worthy as she always recognizes and appreciates my efforts. She is sexy and exciting and turns me on more than any fantasy ever could as we make love over and over with unbound passion. She smells like the first day of spring and tastes like candy. I would do anything for her. I know that she is the one and I am in love with her.
Girls read: When we first kissed, I saw fireworks and knew in an instant that he was the one. It was his rugged good looks and strength of stature that drew me to him and I can’t stop thinking about his chiseled face and broad shoulders. I always feel safe in his arms. With the courage of ten men and the ferocity of a lion, I feel he could protect me from anything or anyone. He even makes me feel safe in my feelings and opinions, as he understands them and encourages me to share them often. Beneath his strength are gentle words and caresses. He cares and respects me so much, because he is so generous to me. He always tells me how beautiful I am and I feel he will adore me forever. I can’t help but feel sexy around him and when we make love we melt into each other with unbridled rapture. Together, we can accomplish anything. He smells like cookies. I know that he is the one and I am in love with him.
Day 4 – Both select an innocuous (non-sexual) body part on your partner and give the gift of a ten minute massage. During the massage remind each other what physical qualities you find attractive and arousing. Guys go first. Dicuss what felt good about the massage. Hug. Please no sex today, I promise that the anticipation of that connection is worth the wait.
Day 5 – Both think about the greatest sexual encounter that you ever experienced with your partner. Tell them what made it so great and if there was anything that could have made it even better. Ask them what they liked or didn’t like about it, be honest. Girl’s go first. Massage. Hug. Now kiss the world’s greatest kiss for the second time in your relationship. Please no sex today, I promise that the anticipation of that connection is worth the wait.
Day 6 – Cuddle. Review why your partner is the most physically beautiful / handsome person in the world and what about them turns you on. Remember a great day that you shared together and while cuddling tell them about it. Massage while you cuddle and talk, hug, kiss. Guys go first. Please no sex today, I promise that the anticipation of that connection is worth the wait.
Day 7 – Repeat day six but this time make mad, passionate love together like it is your first time. Enjoy the dopamine.
Keep your instincts engaged and the instinctual level of your minds connected by inviting the visual, auditory, olfactory, and tactile senses to participate each day, not just sex. During the next two phases of the challenge remind each other every day of the wonderful physical attributes which was the basis of your love relationship in the first place. By the end of a successful 21 day challenge it will be difficult to keep your hands off each other as your mind will once again associate the release of those awesome brain chemicals with your partner and you will naturally crave the balance of your chemical fix.
Days 8-14 Mutual Emotional Balancing. For couples in an adequate relationship seeking something better, this stage of the challenge is about forgiving the past, becoming a safe, honest emotional partner and redirecting the energy spent on avoidance and frustration toward the emotional balance typically reserved for true love relationships. Guys, as you enter this phase of the challenge, keep in mind that humans do not make sound, well thought out decisions about their emotions. In fact their is no thought at all, we just feel them. So we really cannot help how we feel about anything and feelings are not good or bad, right or wrong, they just are.
Day 8 – Show each other your natural facial expressions for the following emotions: Joy, Trust, Fear, Surprise, Sadness, Disgust, Anger and Anticipation. Now show each other your natural body language for each. Discuss anything that you learned about each other. Hug and kiss.
Day 9 – Walk a mile in his / her shoes. Seriously, put your partner’s shoes on and walk around. There is powerful symbolism in wearing both overly constraining shoes and big shoes to fill that can facilitate empathy. Guys consider how many things she must do every day and roles she must play to be a woman and make your partnership work. Down to shaving body parts that you would never shave. Girls consider just how big and heavy those shoes are and think about how difficult it must be to constantly compete with men to fill even bigger shoes everyday. Tell your partner what you appreciate about their roles and responsibilities in your relationship. Hug and kiss.
Day 10 – Go on line and take a free personality type test. I recommend Humanmetrics.com. It will only take a few minutes. Compare your results with your partner’s and read the Personality page on this site together. Discuss the differences in your personality preferences and how they may be affecting your ability to stay connected. Make a commitment to understand and tolerate your partners preferences. Hug and kiss and remember that personality is not a choice.
Day 11 – Talk about a topic that almost always ends in an argument. This time respond to your partner by doing just the opposite of what you normally do. Try to purposefully push each others “hot buttons”. If you honestly respond by doing just the opposite of your normal response, you should be amazed at how easy it is to strip away the power of emotional triggers. Extend this new emotional trust in yourself to your partner by actually appreciating and discussing the warrants of their point of view on the topic. Hug and kiss.
Day 12 – Massage each other naked while reading the passages from day three of the challenge. Discuss what stimulates your mind the most, the visual of your naked partner, their voice or their touch. This is your learning preference. Within the next 24 hours give your partner a gift that is consistent with their learning preference, something little. Visual – a movie or flowers, Auditory – play a special song for them or read to them, Tactile – give a massage or go for a walk together or exaggerate that special thing that he/she likes while making love. Hug and kiss.
Day 13 – Think about a time when you choose sides with someone else (a friend or family member), over your partner whether they were present or not. This time defend your partner against your previous position. Discuss what you learned. Hug and kiss.
Day 14 – Choose a serious past partner transgression and forgive your partner. In order to accomplish this important part of the emotional connection process you should use the following approach.
Lose your need for an apology from your partner. It is a small thing in true love’s grand scheme no matter how important it may seem.
You must empathize with your partner or at least appreciate their point of view. Whether through ignorance, competition, or revenge, they caused you pain for a reason that made sense to them, at the time, you must come to that realization.
It is time to simply let it go and clear it from your mind. It is probably causing you more unrest and imbalance than your partner anyway.
Shift the balance of power by deciding to no longer participate or enable that hurtful behavior in your life, (see Day 11 above).
The final step is to commit your mind to forgive and open the door for your partner to reconcile the relationship. Discuss what your learned. Hug and kiss.
Days 15-21 Mutual Intellectual Expansion. This stage of the challenge is about achieving mental growth through discovering your partner’s conceptual mind, possibly for the first time and learning to argue in terms of resolution vs. right and wrong. It has to do with replacing the intellectual “I” with “We” when you are in reasonable proximity of your love partner.
We all acquire some bad communication habits from time to time. When arguing, both avoidance and “must win at all costs” are common bad habits. If we realized that we were unreasonable, we wouldn’t be. As you go through this week use these ground rules. 1. Keep an open mind. There are two sides to any intellectual argument or there would be no argument simply a statement of fact. 2. Do not play the shell game – no avoidance, no shut down. This strategy in arguing is a sure sign that your argument is weak. 3. Do not compete, resolve. This is not ancient Sparta so yelling the loudest is just another sign of a weak position. If you or your partner honestly cannot break your bad communication habits, try video taping a few conversations. Watch for the breakdowns and try the discussion again. If that does not work seek professional counseling as self-help is not enough.
Day 1 – Prejudices
Day 2 – Opinions
Day 3 – Interests
Day 4 – Sense of Humor
Day 5 – Setting Priorities
Day 6 – Time Management
Day 7 – Money
Congratulations! If you completed the challenge together in earnest I have no doubt that your relationship is on firmer ground. In order to improve your love connections even further and keep the flow of true love forever, I recommend that you read The Artful Science of True Love or at least use the Gap Identifier Work Sheets that you can download from this site to help identify any remaining relationships. Please tell me about your experience with The Artful Science of True Love 21 Day Challenge below.
E. Grey Lorimer