Overview: “. . . I take thee to be my . . .”, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”, “Houston we have a problem”, “Why don’t you come up and see me some time”, “Et tu Brutae”, “. . . until death do us part.”
Long before those simple, eloquent and independently famous quotes were uttered for history’s record, there was a foundation of communication laid by biological, emotional and cultural evolution. Before consciousness derailed the dinning car on the train they call the city of New Orleans, nature’s 300 million year communication revolution was quite focused on eating and sexing, mostly sexing. This section of the site is dedicated to unraveling the complex indignations suffered by communication through sentience and the cultural explosion of the last 13,000 years and to uncover when and why pertinent elements of the lost and secret languages of nature’s past were lost. Additionally, we will reveal some of their amazing mechanics and suggest how to apply them for use in everyday life, especially with regard to dating and relationships.
We share our instinctual level of intelligence with birds and reptiles. This mind-processing center responds to simple physical inputs and controls physical responses in yes/no terms. It renders basic, instantaneous judgments on who is acceptable for sex through a language consisting of automatic physical responses to the production of complex chemical compounds or neurotransmitters. We communicate our emotions through our brain’s Limbic System. It is the layer or area of the human brain that houses our perceptual or emotional level of intelligence. This mind-processing center responds to perceptual inputs and controls emotional responses. Our perceptual level of intelligence receives inputs and communicates responses through facial expressions, body language, gestures, touch, and nonverbal vocal cues. While, in general, perceptual communication involves the transfer of emotional information at a subconscious level between two people, for lovers, the emotional communication is usually much deeper and incorporates vital messages about the balance of the relationship.
Although the miracle of language provides the preferred method for conceptual communication, for love partners, it is not as easy as taking two people who can talk in complete sentences and asking them to connect cognitively. Knowledge gaps between partners in terms of academic achievements, opinions, roles, cultures, career goals, and financial factors can contribute to conceptual communication barriers and are usually accompanied by strong emotional commitment to individual position.
The Language of Instincts: Instinctual communication within us is instant and extremely fuzzy or gray and the decisions born from our instincts are difficult to bring into the conscious level for review, especially in a potential dating scenario. It is a typical occurrence in a potential love connection situation, for two candidates mutually attracted from afar, across the room for example, to become instantly less attracted upon getting physically closer. This may well be their instincts communicating internally and with each other’s instincts. While, from afar, an instinctual connection of attraction may be established through visual input, up close, additional sensory input to the instinctual level of intelligence may tell a different story. A slight physical deformity, the wrong pitch of voice or a subtle smell can send the instinctual mind into rejection mode with a corresponding hazy rejection memo sent to the other levels of intelligence for consideration and behavioral action.
The physical nature of the brain’s structure probably limits communication flow throughout the mind. Specifically, brain connectivity, compartmentalization, redundancy, and interdependence may play a major role in the ability to receive and process sensory input among and between the various levels of intelligence within the mind. Areas of the Hindbrain, where simple yes/no-instant instinctual decisions of attraction originate, including DNA compatibility, are not directly connected to the frontal lobe via neural pathways. Why or how much is not part of the fuzzy message from the Hindbrain, it is only capable of communicating yes or no. In nature it is difficult to fool instincts, and the yes/no response is typically instant, decisive, and accurate, which is why instincts are so valuable and stand poised to take over our mind in survival situations. As humans, we have developed ingenious methods through conceptual intelligence to fool our potential partner’s instinctual intelligence during a love circumstance. Make-up, hairstyle and coloring, high heels, clothing type and color choices, cosmetic surgeries, etc., are designed to fool the visual instinctual yes/no, while perfume, breath mints, and moisturizing skin lotion represent examples of attempts to fool other instinctual inputs.
The instinctual level of communication plays a critical role in the pair bonding and love relationship formation process and, through this level of intelligence; different chemical hormones affecting behavior are released in both partners, which provide insight into physical attraction and genetic compatibility.
We communicate with each other at the instinctual level of intelligence every day, especially in love circumstances. It can be difficult to isolate pure instinctual communication among humans because we naturally include perception and cognition in almost every complex love situation. In addition, we use our unique consciousness and personal behavioral tendencies in our decision-making process when choosing a love partner. Unlike animals, which are compelled to obey their instincts, we have the ability, upon further analysis to override, ignore or disregard our instinctual yes/no decisions.
For lovers, this phenomenon can play out from first glance to last kiss and can have a dramatic impact on the type of love relationship that develops; harmful, adequate, or true love. Consider the notion that there are several points during the dating and relationship formation process where our instinctual intelligence communicates with that of our partners. First glance always produces an instinctual level of communication through visual input between two potential love candidates. A yes/no decision is then made concerning physical attraction, appearance, and general health. Similarly, throughout the modern dating regiment each new body part, upon visual inspection, is subjected to the yes/no-instinctual decision model, as is each new sound, smell, touch, and taste.
Social circumstances and cultural norms can undermine our instincts and can lead us to ignore the wisdom of their communication. Gold, gospel, and glory has won the favor of many a love partner over instinctual communication. When potential partners ignore negative instinctual communication early on in a relationship, they can set themselves up for catastrophic failure down the road. If a partner is not infatuated early in the relationship, they probably never will be. Changing an initial instinctual decision later, such as the level of attraction is extremely difficult, if not impossible, and chances are, the individual will not become more attractive after the marriage.
The Language of Emotions: In dating and love relationships, nothing is more important than the correct interpretation of the intention and meaning of various forms of, and attempts at emotional communication. We use perceptual communication every day, although most of us do not give it a second thought. In fact, the earliest forms of instinctual and emotional communication are easily traced to sensory input induced non-verbal communication that emerged as an integral component of the advancement of intelligence and life itself during the Pre-Cambrian explosion. Once again, throughout the history of complex life on earth, communication among and between species revolved around eating and reproducing; no doubt serving up an explanation of why the combination of food and sex is still just good fun.
Perceptual intelligence evolved to allow communication between our minds and emotional needs in order to negotiate both learned and novel situations. How we feel about sensory input is determined at the perceptual level, but the same input is often monitored within our mind by our conceptual intelligence for further analysis. As modern humans, we have an internal emotional opinion on just about everything and the perceptual information assembled in our minds carries more than good v. bad emotional opinions. We establish points along an internal scale that determine the degree of emotional response and it happens fast. Subconsciously, that is without an accompanying thought analysis, we mix basic emotional responses to stimuli to not only arrive at a particular internal emotion but to arrive at an appropriate level of intensity for that emotion.
To add to the perceptual mayhem, we often simultaneously experience several internal emotions at various levels of intensity from a single sensory input. Additionally, we may receive several continuous sensory inputs that produce different internal emotions at varying degrees of intensity for the numerous environmental situations we encounter. Our brain’s Limbic System or “emotional brain” acts like a subconscious emotional blender at the highest speed setting. Often, we experience mixed feelings or emotions from a particular stimulus and, before our conceptual intelligence has an opportunity to determine why we feel a certain way, the feelings blender is muddling the next emotional cocktail.
It takes a tremendous effort from infancy through adolescence to master control over this blender. This is learned by coupling behavioral outcomes with corresponding internal feelings through millions of emotional experiences, which, subsequently, produces the nurtured portion of our adult personalities. As humans, from cradle to grave, we hone our perceptual intelligence and subsequent emotional skill set. Dating and love relationship stimuli may produce the most complex and flavorful of all internal emotional mixed drinks while sending our metaphorical blender into warp speed. Taking a moment to savor the flavor of the internal emotional communication may be the difference between a successful or failed outcome in dating and love relationships. Women seem to be far better at this than their male counterparts due to nature and nurture. Most men learn to ignore some of their emotional states through using their conceptual intelligence. That is to say, they are taught, as children that if they ignore bad feelings they really did not have them in the first place. Fear, pain, compassion, or empathy felt for an opponent can hamper victory in a five-year-old mock sword fight just as quickly as a seventeen-year-old high school football game. This is, unfortunately, an effective strategy in overcoming some inconvenient emotions during competition and results in internal emotional confusion among many young adult males.
Animals, in particular mammals, have displayed the capacity to use facial expressions, gestures, non-language vocal cues, body language, eye contact, touch, and proximity to communicate emotion through perceptual intelligence. In some highly social mammals, certainly primates, many of these forms of communication are observable. For example, marine biologists and animal behavioral experts are beginning to decipher whale song, warning calls, and clicks as well as body language cues of several species.
Basic human-to-human non-language perceptual communication mirrors the animal kingdom by employing the same methods of communication, although the buckets of information are far more complex and voluminous among humans. People effortlessly combine facial expressions with gestures, body language, and sounds (not words) to produce an almost limitless number of specific emotional communications to each other. We can even use these methods to convey simple conceptual thoughts in social situations where speaking, texting, or passing notes would be inappropriate.
The Language of Intellect, Language: Many scholars consider language the most dramatic precursor to the human cultural explosion. Base components aside, subject, verb, grammar, and syntax, language can be described as a system of organized sound corresponding to ever expanding metaphors each positioned at some point along the human emotional continuum. As humans, we can certainly communicate conceptual thoughts through music, art, mathematics, and symbols, but we tend to use language to describe these other creative forms of conceptual communication.
Perhaps the destiny of language is to expand to the point where a google-plex of specific words can catalog every potential and realized matter and energy state as well as their interdependent relationships from the big bang to the ultimate return to nothingness. At the very least, we have become smart enough through our words and creativity to imagine that language has this potential. Several scholars have referred to language as the genetics of conceptual intelligence and cultural evolution. In keeping with that reference, spoken words and phrases seem to have their own mysterious mutations; hidden levels and shadows based on context, timing, emphasis, innuendo, and even who is doing the talking. The specific mechanics can often go conceptually unnoticed. Notwithstanding, at its basic face value, language is the single most powerful communication tool ever invented. For more on love languages grab a copy of The Artful Science of True Love.