Overview: Communication skills, consciousness, and personality directly affect our ability to connect with our lovers once chosen.  However, our culture has the most profound impact on which lover we choose.  There is an amazing amount of confusion in this area that is produced from the arts, media, mainstream advertising, self proclaimed experts, and even friends and family.  The confusion can create “want triggers” that affect our judgment to the point that we choose a socially desirable mate over someone to whom we are physically attracted or worse, become trapped in a love relationship.  The short-term gratification of landing a culturally correct lover often leads to unrealistic relationship expectations and long-term disaster.  Learning how to regain control of our opinions of desirability from these influencers is a challenging task.

Media Effect

Wondrous Hollywood storytelling and mass media can generate confusion and frustration around the expectations for a love relationship among many members of modern society.  The confusion does not begin and end with unrealistic expectations after a relationship is established, rather it bewilders our thoughts and feelings on a daily basis concerning who we should be and want to the point of submission.  Communication technology, combined with distribution channels directly into our living rooms, computer screens and I-phones have made it impossible to shield ourselves from the often-conflicting cultural guidance on how to attract and what constitutes desirability in a potential mate.  The confusion compounds when the specters of culturally false prophets gain momentum only to solidify corporate net profits.

These apparitions are sold in the form of advertising, magazines, television shows, movies, and the entire recent tabloid phenomenon all describing the looks, appearance, and behaviors of the perfect man and woman while promising the latest short cut to happily ever after; and the story changes with the next edition.  For example, in the November 10th edition of “Help Me I Don’t Have a Clue” magazine, the editor claims that it is fashionable for the female to act powerful, independent, and sexually aggressive and the male to be sensitive, kind, and gentle in order to increase their chances of attracting the best mate.  On the same day, the “We’re Here to Help” television talk show aired their special love program calling for her to be the purest domestic minded prude and him to become a Wall Street lollipop-stealing asshole in order to get into the game.  How could anyone make sense of it all?

A moment of clarity for the moderately confused is offered.  There is nothing culturally glamorous about true love.  It is a private covenant between love partners predicated on a balanced relationship that offers little sensationalism for public consumption.  TRUE LOVE IS NOT A REALITY TV SHOW.  Becoming attracted to each other is an equally non-historic cultural event.  In my experience, true love needs no hero, male or female, and roles are naturally shared with respect to talent and sensibility rather than culturally entrenched propaganda.