The Concept of “I”


I have chosen to separate consciousness from the physical layers of the brain and corresponding levels of intelligence, and discuss its impact on dating and love relationships from the selfish standpoint of self only, which represents a move away from the standard psychological bill of fare.  It is just easier to understand the impact of individualism on love and pair bonding in this way.  Again, I realize that all of history’s greats and many modern research psychologists treat consciousness and conceptual intelligence as inclusive.  This is the very reason why the long arm of the scientific method has not yet reached the realm of true love and why we romantics can still perform a valuable service in bridging the gap (Grand Canyon) between love’s mysticism and science.  In developing the “cogito,” if Descartes was hopelessly in love he may have opted for “I think I feel groovy, therefore I am.”

Men and women apply the self-focusing lens of “I” differently when processing conceptual inputs in the mind. Men deal with other males by typically applying the concept of “I” to define position or compete for position in hierarchy, while women usually apply the concept of “I” to facilitate cooperation when dealing with other women.  Cooperatively merging the two applications of the filter is a challenging proposition for most couples and a common source of disconnection in love relationships.

The key point here is that too much conscious thought can work as a detractor to dating goals throughout the modern dating process and can be even more counterproductive during the life cycle of an ensuing love relationship.  Consider how many times during the course of your dating life filtering inputs through “I” changed the course of future events at that initial point of execution; that is to say, when you first saw a potential dating partner.  Misinterpretation of verbal and non-verbal communication, due to filtering consciousness, could be the culprit.  Fear, trying too hard, energy blocking, etc… these phenomena occur because our skill level does not match the level of the challenge and we produce anxiety that is immediately read by the potential partner.  In addition, apathy is produced when the challenge or interest isn’t there and anxiety is produced when we feel we are not worthy or properly prepared.

When first meeting a potential love partner most people tend to exaggerate their personal qualities.  They exaggerate because they may feel a strong physical attraction and believe that the better light of little white lies will produce an equally strong physical attraction in the potential love partner and lead to a true love relationship.  It will not.  It may produce trapping behaviors in the love candidate and lead to a long emotionally painful relationship instead.  Physical attraction is instinctual; therefore, it is either there or it is not and this represents how an overdeveloped sense of “I” can trump the other levels of mind and prevent finding the true love of “we.”

The effect of the mind-self or the filter of consciousness for both positive and negative emotional events, especially when the experience is caused by the actions or the behaviors of your love partner, can produce mental fixation on the memory depending on your individual personality, cultural norms, and how powerful you believe the event was.  Conceptual intelligence and consciousness can connect with and influence both subconscious and unconscious levels of the mind through memory and dreams when caused by these types of significant emotional events.  Consciousness, or ego, cannot connect directly with emotions experienced through our perceptual intelligence; therefore, we must first conceptualize these feelings to recall them vividly.  As modern humans, we seem to have the ability to create a conceptual world in our mind through imagination to relive and embellish these events.

For positive love related events, we will often create a fantasy world within our mind by bringing good emotions to concept through imagination resulting in infatuation.  This is the stuff of fairytales.  Strong physical attraction through instinctual intelligence, combined with emotional connection via perceptual intellectually common ground can result in infatuation.  When most people become physically and emotionally infatuated with a love partner they may get a natural high and literally become love stoners.  Powerful self-produced brain chemicals in the form of several hormones suppress the function of regulation provided by their consciousness.

For negative love related events, the result can be the creation of familiar neural pathways in our physical brain that are reinforced through dwelling on the same negative thoughts.  The brain-produced chemical hormones or neurotransmitters, testosterone, adrenalin, MIS, and cortisol, which evolved to recall learned perceptual responses in the Old Mammalian Brain as a means of avoiding negative survival circumstances are now released each time the mind visits the hellish imaginary internal world created by consciousness.  Remember, the person who initially pissed you off is not producing these hormones, you are.  The consequence of strong negative emotional recall that revolves around the perception of self through these established neural pathways can only lead to a harmful or adequate love relationship, never true love.

Hyper-consciousness or being in “The Zone,” is a state of emotional and mental convergence where thoughts and emotions flow through the brain simultaneously producing an effortless physical, emotional, and mental response to stimuli, activities, or situations ‑ even novel situations.  When attaining this state of consciousness, athletes can perform at exceptional levels.  Intense concentration on a project, particular problem, or discussion can also result in entering the zone.  The mental connections of true love harnesses the concept of “I” and holds it captive in a shared normal and natural state of flow between lovers; for now, nothing comes closer to a collective consciousness.